No Snow for D'Lee

It just ain't happening this year, folks. Our town, U.S.A. is not going to see any appreciable amount of snow for the first time in I-don't-know-how-long. Snow hit Nashville and parts north and east of the city last night, but the snow-line stopped just short of our county. It was as though a big hand was on the border of our county not letting those clouds over the border from the neighboring county. I have just never seen anything like this!

It's a conspiracy. The good praying folks who want Spring must outweigh those of us praying for the white stuff.

I was really hoping to get snowed in this week. The house is moaning under the weight of undone clothing. There are dirty clothes, out-of-season clothes, clothes that don't fit anyone anymore, and clothes that have not been on a body in three decades. Somewhere in a tupperware (casket-sized) crate beneath piles of other crates are the baby clothes of my 18-year old son. It is not that I cannot bear to part with them. I just can't find the time to sort them.

For 18 long years now, I have been chasing some hyper child through the house, wrestling the cordless phone from his/her clutches before he/she randomly dials 911 or Mongolia. Why that number (911) is so easy for children to dial, I do not know. But then I also do not understand why my 16 month-old child can open child-proof caps and I cannot, and why plug covers are child's play for her. She merely pries them off with her tiny fingernails and puts them in her mouth. It is ironic that a safety device for the electrical outlets is, within itself, a choking hazard.

When your day consists of removing the candle wax from the bathroom drain because your sixteen year old genius thought that candle wax could go down the sink as easily as water, you don't have time to sort clothes. Besides that, the children seem to grow through whole sizes in a day's time, so any spare time I have is spent keeping the dear little ones from going naked.

Someone sent me this in email and I thought that maybe I wrote this and forgot about it....I thought it was cute:

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000-square-foot house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20-by-20-foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

11. "Play-Dough" and "microwave" should never be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department has a 5 minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

22. 75% of the men who read this will mix Clorox and brake fluid.

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I awoke this morning hoping against hope that there would be enough snow accumulation that I would not have to go have my blood drawn this morning. I should have known better. (Keep repeating to self...no snow this year, no snow this year.) To add insult to injury, I could not even drink a steaming hot cup of coffee on the way to the lab because I had to be fasting. It was sooooo cold outside. The wind really had a bite, and in the shade, it was downright unbearable.

This week, I have so much that I have to do. Birthdays abound in the next 5 days. Micah, Sarah, Grandma Ginny, Grandma Mary, Uncle Doug, and Pappy Ron all have birthdays on or before the 7th. I have wedding shower invites to make and send, and I have to send back proof orders on 4 sets of pictures for the boys.

I don't know if those clothes are ever going to get done. But Tim and I have an agreement that if all the children are still alive and the house is still standing when he gets home from work every day, then I have done a good job!