Wednesday, August 10, 2005

On the Lighter Side.....

Everything seems like it has been really "heavy" lately. Sometimes it is just like that. My mom tells me that sometimes, it is one's perspective. I guess I can agree with that. But how do you ignore it when things are happening right in front of your eyes? Especially if you are the compassionate sort????

So today, kiddies, we are taking a break from all the illness and death (what husband encountered on the way to work today) which is all around us and slipping off into the fantasy world of Disney princesses and such. I have to say this test is pretty accurate, though I am not sure that my friend James is really Cinderella!!! :)

You Are Mulan!
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Strong and spirited. You're no one's girly girl; actually you are very determined person with a strong sense of self. Never let go of that! The only thing that equals your sense of self is your family, but the traditions of society can always be bent to protect something or someone you love.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Irony of Ironies...The rest of the story....

My previous post was written in the early hours of last Friday morning. It was my 43rd birthday, and a dear and special friend had called to say she was stopping by with my birthday present on her way to work. I told you how I reflected that she and I needed to take a little time to stop and smell the roses together, as we both have a tendency to let all the responsibilities of life keep us from seeing each other as often as we would like.

I introduced you to Debbie, a good friend of mine for around 15 years now.

I had no way of knowing how her life would change before the end of the day.

I went through my weekend pretty much as usual. Our dinner plans got scrapped on my birthday, much to my chagrin, because of a fierce storm that surrounded us and turned our car back for safer roads several times that night. As we had traveled towards the north, a black cloud with some of the worst lightning coming out of it that I have ever seen blocked our safe passage to the interstate and dinner. We turned back to the south, and it came at us from the west. Finally, we stopped and got burgers for the kids and just came home. My fearless husband was even bothered by this storm. Local law enforcement thought that a small tornado may have even come through, as it netted a tree through one of their windshields while they were out on a call.

Sunday, we made our usual journey to worship and on to my parents' home, then back to worship, and then back to the parents for the birthday celebration with family. I was so tired on the trip home Sunday night that I fell asleep, something I don't normally do in the car. When I got in, I was too tired to even check my email...something else I rarely fail to do.

When I got up early Monday morning, I had a shock waiting in the inbox. Debbie had emailed me to say that late Friday afternoon, her husband got a lab report back that a growth removed from his head was malignant. Melanoma.

Isn't it ironic how you can go weeks....months....without interacting with people, and then all of the sudden, you feel compelled to find them? I have learned to listen to my impulses to make that phone call or write that letter or card, or just get in the car and head on over to a friend's house, because the impulse is usually for a special reason.

Debbie and I talked yesterday, and our porch swing session, still scheduled for Thursday, is bound to include a lot of prayer. We are going to hang on to the hope for now that this is all a big mistake (Deb's husband says that there were others in the Dr.'s office getting moles removed, and his was not grey, as the doctor reported but instead a very distinct shade of pink. We all know that lab tests can get mixed up....) And if Tony is indeed afflicted with this problem, we are going to pray to the Great Physician for his complete healing so that he may go on to do great things in the kingdom of the Lord someday. This is my hope and prayer, and I hope it will be yours too!

(If all this makes entirely no sense to you, please read the previous post.)

Please keep my mom in your prayers, too. She goes to the oncologist today to see what they are going to do about the swollen lymph nodes in her neck. I will keep you posted.

Friday, August 05, 2005

I Challenge You.....

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Moi with my neighbor and best friend, Debbie


Debbie came to be my neighbor sometime around 1991 or 1992. I don't even remember exactly when she came down from Michigan with her husband and family for his job with Saturn. They moved in next door, and our kids were very close in age. When her Amber was in 4th grade, my Daniel was in 3rd, her Sarah in 2nd, and my Sam in 1st. We both added an addition son later on that are a year or so apart in age. Micah and Kyle love playing with each other when they get the chance.

Life was always crazy for both Debbie and me, mothering all these kids, taking care of husbands and extended family and friends. We were both very active in our respective local churches.

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Debbie with Sam last year at her daughter's graduation party

Debbie and I lived next door to each other, and we used to joke that we just needed to get together and have tea or something. We rarely ever got the time to do that. Once or twice, after I divorced, I snuck over to her house late at night, and she and I and all the kids would have a late night movie fest. It did not happen as often as I would have liked.

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Debbie with Daniel last year

Debbie always knew how to be there when I needed her most. One day, when I was going through my divorce, I was out in the yard feeling pretty sorry for myself. I had a brand new baby, an acre and a half to mow (with the baby on my arm) and it was hotter than Hades. (not really, but TN summers are brutal.) I was just finishing up and thinking how lousy it was going to be to have to go in and cook dinner after slaving on the yard. Out of the blue, here came Debbie, hot plate of food and cool drink in hand. I thought of the bible passage about someone giving someone else a cup of cool water in His name. She revived my body and my spirit more than once in her special ways. I don't know how she just knew when I was at the end of my rope, but she always did, and she was always there.

We had a yard sale together the day my ex got married. She kept my mind off the negative things and helped me rise above all the pettiness that one can get into in divorce situations.

Debbie slaved washing windows and bought herself one of those fancy gliders for the front porch so that she could sit and watch the prettiest sunsets on the face of the planet. She said that we should get together some afternoon and just sit and talk and watch the sunset. But we never did it. Eight or ten years we lived beside each other, and we never slowed down enough to take in a sunset together.

The day came when I remarried. Debbie was right there beside me. She got me through the wedding. She ironed my dress, partied all night with me and the bridesmaids at my house as we made bouquets for the bridesmaids and put finishing touches on the homemade dresses. She stood beside me with her two beautiful daughters as I took my vows.

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Debbie (top, far left, and her girls, far right in white,) were with me on my special day, 1998

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Debbie and I share a hug after my wedding, 1998

A week later, when I got back from my honeymoon and had inner ear problems so bad that I could not stand up, she came over and packed up my house for New Jersey. We sat in my empty bedroom floor and cried and hugged and lamented the fact that we never had tea in the porch swing.

A year later, I unexpectedly and delightedly got to move back to Tennessee and that house next to my dear friend. But I had a new baby on the way, and we were growing out of that house. We bought a new house and moved across town, and chances to see each other pretty soon became confined to Christmas, each other's birthdays, and special children events.

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Debbie's family with Daniel at his graduation, 2005

Debbie called me the day her husband had a heart attack and asked me to be the one to intercept the kids when they came home from school and keep them until she could get to them. She called me when her daughters were in a devastating car accident. She came to me when I nearly died in the hospital. We are on each other's school contact list for emergencies with the kids. That's the way it is with a true friend. You know they will be there whenever you need them.

We have managed to maintain our friendship from a 5 mile distance, but we never have done that porch swing gig.

Debbie called last night and said she was dropping by today with my birthday present. I called her back this morning and asked her if we could get together for a sunset or something. We made an appointment for Thursday evening. Lord willing, we are going to share a cup of tea and a sunset next Thursday.

Isn't it terrible that we don't take the time to do the things that mean the most to us? Debbie and I have shared 15 years of kids and laughter and tears and weddings and graduations, but we can't find the time to sit for tea. I don't want to wait until one of us gets told that we only have a little while to live...or until one of us is suddenly and irreversibly gone for good. Maybe that day will never come, and maybe it will. I am not a betting woman.

So today, on my birthday, my wish for you is that you should think up one thing you have been meaning to do for a while now, and make an appointment to do it. I triple-dog dare you to do something adventuresome--like having tea with your best buddy! People don't live forever. Sometimes, they are gone before you have the chance to tell them what they really mean to you. Do whatever it takes....put it on your overflowing calendar if you must, but just do it.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The Meaning of Life?

I turn 43 tomorrow. I know it is not common for a woman to tell her age, but I am not so sensitive about it that I mind anyone knowing. The day after tomorrow, my class is having its 25th reunion. I decided not to go, because honestly, I did not like them much 25 years ago, and I doubt things have changed that much. Plus, I have not forgiven them for the punch-spiking incident at my 5th reunion that left me near comatose. That's another story.

It is at these milestone events that we tend to take stock of our lives and what they mean. Each day, I cannot help but recognize that I am one blessed gal overall. Yet, the very human side of me mourns all the sad things that go on in this world and sometimes leads me to question what it all means, especially on the "special" days.

I don't mean to doubt God, His Wisdom, His Providence, or His Plans for me. He has been awfully good to me. I have not had a perfect "golden" life like some people I know, but that's o.k. My life has been good enough. I've never known material wealth--at least according to this country's standards, but I know I have been blessed beyond measure compared to so many who have lived in this world. I was a happy child in general, and my parents did a good job of protecting me and providing what I needed spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Then I grew up and made some choices that were not the wisest (i.e. first husband) which affected the course of the rest of my life.

Still, if I had not married my first husband, I would not have my 3 precious boys, so I cannot be too unhappy with how things went. They are such a blessing to me and to others, and I cannot imagine life without them. Besides, I have not done so badly since the divorce. I first found out that I could make it without a man if I had to, and just when I was comfortable alone again, God sent me....a man!!!! And just when I thought that I was finished with childbirth and would never have a daughter, this new man gave me two extraordinary girls.

I just got through sending my husband off to work this morning, and as he left, he happily carried two little drawings the oldest girl left at the foot of the door for him. He told me that lately, she has been making drawings and leaving them by the door so he will find them in the morning. She is uniquely gifted at age 5 with a sense of color and balance and composition on the paper that leaves her dad and me in awe of her talent and the sweetness of her being. The spirit in this little girl is without a doubt the sweetest one I have ever known in any human. Her works of "art" leave us breathless and feeling so blessed.

Then there is the other daughter--not quite two---and the total antithesis of her sister. (She has a sweet spirit, too, but unfortunately, she got her mother's Irish temper!) Her little voice is sultry-sweet. Her vocabulary is wonderful. Her pronunciation needs some work, but it is getting there. Behind those huge brown eyes, you can practically see the cogs moving as she reasons things out. She is extraordinarily tactile. She MUST touch everything. Texture is her life. Her little hands are constantly moving from one item to the next, seeing how it works...what it feels like between the fingers....then discarded for the next item. She can turn a house to shambles in nothing flat if not assigned a protector from her pool of siblings. Nothing holds her attention for more than a few seconds, and this is exhausting for the rest of us who marvel at her energy.

I look at them all---all 5 precious kids...and the precious husband God provided, and I say....this is what life is all about....loving the ones God has entrusted to you....

I don't have too much energy left at 43. It has been a hard decade for me, these 40-something years. I came as close to death as I want to come in 2003 with Hannah's birth, and I am still climbing back up from that pit. I have told Tim that if it feels like this to be 43, then how will I ever tolerate how it feels at 63 or 83 if the good Lord lets me stay here?

Mom is nearly 66. I was just looking at her the last time I visited her. She looked so pretty. When we drove up, she was out watering her beautiful plants. She was brown as a biscuit from living in the new pool she and Dad put in, and she looked so happy and at peace. It was good to see her like this, because she and Dad worked their tushes off for 45 years to get to where they are now---retired, happy, blessed with grandkids, and working in the Lord's kingdom without a lot of outside distraction.

And then the bubble bursts. The illusion of paradise is shattered by the reality that something is wrong. There is swelling in the lymph nodes. It is worsening by the day. Mom is sick.

The memories of my 40th birthday come flooding back. Mom was sick and in the hospital. Nobody knew what was wrong. She was an enigma to the doctors. It was not West Nile, not Castleman's, not lymphoma, not hystoplasmosis...but they did not know WHAT it was. Eventually, she got better, but she had to retire. It was a long, slow battle to regain her strength. And just when we all thought that she was the best she has nearly ever been...now this.

The pathologist she worked for for years and years will get a biopsy and take another look. This may be a whole new deal. He does not think this is just an infection.

It is amazing how you can hear of one thing after another--other people's trials--but until you have your own crosses to bear, it does not really get real to you. I have worked through the years on trying to really care about my brethren, especially, and not have my eyes glaze over as they tell me about the trial that is torturing their soul. You know, you listen to the little old lady who is grieving the loss of her husband, but you are young and strong, and it really does not sink in about the depth of her despair. Or you ask that new divorce' how she's doing now that she is on her own with the kids and that louse of an ex-husband doesn't even bother to support the kids, and you don't even really hear her answer because you cannot focus on someone else's pain for five minutes without getting a headache. Or you feel bad for the family across town that lost their soldier boy in Iraq, but it doesn't really register until you get the call that your son or brother or very best friend is the latest casualty.

Then, all of the sudden, it is you who is divorced, and now you know what that girl was agonizing over. Out of the blue, it is your grandmother that has died. Now you "get it." You sit in church week after week, listening to the announcements, and you surely are sorry about so-in-so's mother that passed away, but it does not mean much until you have lost someone close to you.

I have not figured out the meaning of life yet, but I have drawn some conclusions based on the revelation of the mind of God through His Word. It really is not all that hard, as they are spelled out in the Bible. You just have to notice them and then unequivocally believe them. Here are some of my favorites:

1. "Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." (Ecclesiastes 12:13)

2. "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matthew 22:36-38)

3. "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."(John 13:35)

4. "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble." (I Peter 3:8)

5. "If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless. Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world." (James 1:26-27)

6. "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody. (I Thessalonians 4:11-12)

7. "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ." AND "For every man shall bear his own burden." (Galatians 6:2 and 6:5)

8. "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." (Galatians 6:7)

9. "Indeed, You have made my days as handbreadths, And my age is as nothing before You; Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor. (Psalm 39:5) AND "Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away." (James 4:14)

10. "Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content." (I Timothy 6:6-8)

11. "Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know." Thomas said to Him, "Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?" Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." (John 14:1-6)

12. "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:21


About the only sense that I can make out of life is that God created us, and He put us here to serve Him and to serve each other until our short little vapor of a life goes "poof!" We can either accept that, be grateful for our blessings and live peacefully and obediently, or we can fight it, be ungrateful, and be prepared to face an angry and disappointed Father in Judgement.

I haven't found all the answers in 43 years. I doubt I will find them all if I should live another 43 years. But I am learning, accepting, growing. As the old cliche' goes, I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know Who holds tomorrow in His hands. And I guess that is really all I need to know.