Grandmother in the Mirror

2005 has been a year of much reflection in my life. As we close the year, I have realized that for the first time since I was born, I will be missing all three of the grandmothers I was given. December 6th and 7th are always days of memories for me. Two of my grandmothers were born on these days, respectively. One grandmother then died on the 6th, on the other grandmother’s birthday, and the day before her own 83rd birthday. The dates are intertwined with memories of laughter and tears, celebration and quiet memorials.

Not everyone is as attached to their grandmothers as I was. Some poor souls never even get the chance to know their parents’ parents. I was blessed. I was the oldest child in my family, and I came when my parents were but exiting their teen years. When I was born in ’62, one grandmother was 42 and the other was 58. I would gain another step-grandmother the following year, and she was 43 when she married my grandfather. I am the age now that two of my grandmothers were when they got that esteemed title. Being the oldest, I had many good years with all my grandparents before they departed this life.

I lived in the same town with the grandmother I called “Nanny.” I was, perhaps, the closest to her, because somehow our spirits just bonded from the moment we set eyes on one another. My mother says that I laughed out loud when I saw Nanny at just a couple of days old. The laughter never stopped as long as I knew her. She was such a joyful person. I learned so much from her and carry strong memories in my heart of her, even though she was the first to leave.

Mammaw, my dad’s mom, was a memorable soul as well. In the South, we would call her a “character.” (I think she called me that more than once, too!) She was someone that once you knew her, it was hard to forget her. She was the shopping granny---the one that always brought something delightful each and every time she came to see me. We did not always live in the same town, so I saw her less. She saw to it that my brothers and I were always dolled up in the cutest outfits, and she stocked my entire doll collection. She was big on Christmas and Thanksgiving, and she never forgot to send a Valentine.

We just lost grandma #3 over Thanksgiving. MaiMai always lived in Florida and we saw her least. Whenever we did get to go down there, she was always a very gracious hostess, providing us with luscious meals, cozy beds, and plenty of homemade remedies for the sunburn we always got down there.

Each grandmother was unique—not really like the other two. I guess that was a good thing, because it allowed me to love them all for their one-of-a-kind qualities. Having an extra set of grandparents in there allowed me and my siblings to be extra-spoiled.

Often, I look in the mirror, and I am shocked to see one of my grandmothers looking back at me. No, it is not a ghost. It is biology. Sometimes I see more of one than the other. My daddy "rags on me" because I love to wear the same hair color that Mammaw did, and he hated it on her, too. Nanny’s laugh lines are appearing all over my face. I can do that same stern look that Mammaw would do when she got serious about something. You did not want to see that face on her, and my family does not like it either! I find myself doing the same silly face as I potty train Hannah that my Nanny did with me.

Maybe it sounds cheesy and all to say that my grandmothers live on through me. It seems like somehow, they do. My father has commented on more than one occasion that as long as I was alive, his mother would not be dead. I get it now more than ever. I hope it is some comfort to my family when they spot of glimpse of one of my grandmothers as I go by. The trait is not unique to me. I see glimpses of my relatives in each one of my family members. My husband was recently stunned to meet my “twin” cousin, who is so much like me that it is scary. It was especially scary when she pulled her lipstick out of her purse and it was the same as mine! Many times we sit and stare at one another at family reunions and comment, "You look so much like....."

Maybe that is why God allowed us to look like our ancestors. Even when they are gone, we get subtle reminders of them through our family members, and we hopefully are reminded to mimic the good in them and to try and not copy their failings.

Today is Pearl Harbor Day. It is a day of memory of special events that happened in our country’s history. But it is also a day for me of personal memories. Had these women not lived, I obviously would not be here today, so I owe them my existence. Beyond that, I owe them so much more, for shaping me into the woman I am today—for teaching me how to love my husband and kids, how to cook, how to make a happy home, what’s important in life. I seem to look in the mirror a lot more these days. It’s not vanity. I’m just hoping to get a passing glance at some grandmothers that I miss very much.